Today.....

....I learned that resentment, forgiveness and having faith all go hand-in-hand......if you have resentment, then you become angry and cannot move on in your life and grow. If you can find forgiveness, then you have an open heart and can accept people for who they are....this helps you heal and let go....it helps you realize that you cannot control everything and things are out of your hands....as the saying goes, "Let go and let God", which I realized today that I am learning to do, I am in control of the outcome of my life, and I can't make anyone do something that they don't want to do. I can, however, do what I need, want, and hope for. I am going to try to live that. Although, I have felt myself relax and try to forgive wrong-doings....I am still somewhat stuck in what my next steps will be....but I know in time, I will figure that out....I just need to take one day at a time....

Comments and input are very welcome! I would love to hear from those of you who have read my blog! :)

Happy Birthday to.....

....my beautiful sorority little sister, Kristin, who is in heaven looking down upon all of us with her huge smile!!! You are so beloved....you are so missed!!! I miss you everyday, and send prayers towards your Brian, Elise and Gardner....they are all so strong, yet survivors! You touched so many people in such an amazing way....when I met you during pledging at UNH, you just grabbed my heart right away....I knew you were someone who I had to have in my life....you are a shining light....now, then, and forever....dear sweet girl....as the song goes...'only the good die young'....you are the best of the best....this is where I think God is a little selfish in taking such an amazing person so young...but, I understand why....he needs you, maybe more than we do....I am so thankful for the brief time here that I had with you...so many years went by in between college and our reunion....I am, however, so thankful and grateful for that reunion...I still have the emails from you when you came to visit CA for the last time, and you told me that you would definitely see me "next time..."....I get a lump in my throat each time I read and reread that....I love you tons, from the bottom of my heart! xoxo

Taking a break....

....from stress. I am just going to shut out the world for a while. It seems as though everyone wants something....I have decided that I am going to say no, not be taken advantage of, and just do what makes ME happy. If that means that I have to let someone down, well, for now...so be it. It is time to focus on me, and make choices that will not always please everyone. I am going to stop letting the not so nice people in and surround myself with happiness and positivity! Yes...this is corny, but, as per "The Secret" I am going to put that out there in the universe....I am going choose good things, positive things, and uplifting people! Back to choosing friends, I am so thankful for my girlfriends....honestly, at this time in my life, I don't know how I would get through these times without them.....thankfully, I have a lot of wonderful friends who just keep me busy, and happy....and supported!!!

Please feel free to leave comments/thoughts....I welcome them!

I think that....

.....your best friends in the whole world know exactly when to connect with you and exactly what to say.....one of my very best friends called me today - it was just what I needed. She knows that I am going through some things that are very difficult to navigate....and she called with the best words and support. It is so nice to know that I have her and numerous others who would do anything for me.....that is such an amazing friend. She is like the sister that I never had. I really don't think I could get through these things without the love and support of friends like her. Life sometimes is extremely challenging, and offers up things that may change who you are and it requires encouragement....especially when you lack confidence and question everything that you do, then, a friend calls who just knows you inside and out, and lets you know that it will be ok, that they would drop everything to come be with you and help you through. I am so thankful for friends like that. It definitely gives me wings to take off and make the decisions and choices that I need to....

I would love some comments and/or feedback! Thank you for reading my blog!

The impersonalization of.....

....technology.....we love it, we hate it....I just reaped the negatives of the usage of technology. I don't understand why people have gotten away from face to face interaction. I always thought that I would never do that....and I did. Texting is great if you need to meet someone and you are trying to iron out the details, or have a quick comment for someone or just want to say hello. It is so unfortunate when someone relies on texting as their only means of communication. I suppose sometimes with time zones or other circumstances, that is ok, however, it is so important to keep the face to face communication lines open, especially when lines are crossed. I guess if someone wants to keep a relationship going that way, or ending that way, that is their issue. I will focus on the here and now, and the real people in my life instead of the words on a screen "person".....especially when so much was put into that....and not the real me....

Not an easy day....

....as thankful as I am to have such amazing children to celebrate Mother's Day....my heart is breaking for my mom who is alone for the first time on Mother's Day....she never really got use to the fact that I am 3000 miles away, but at least she had her husband to make her feel special on this day....this is the first year without him there. He has been gone for less than three months, and she is really beside herself. I do not know what to do. This is where the "imperfect mommy" feeling is really felt today....I sent flowers and a nice card, but, wish I could be closer for day-to-day contact. I don't know what to do....I have offered to go visit but she doesn't want me to come because she doesn't want me to leave.....one day at a time....I can only do what I can do....prayers and hugs and love to you mom! xoxo

It almost hurts more....

...when you and a friend break up...why? Well, because you CHOOSE your friends....your family is your family...don't get me wrong, blood is thicker than water....however, when you are blindsided and deeply hurt by false accusations by someone who you chose to be in your circle, and someone you trusted to have your back and not judge you, suddenly to do so, wow....that is just shocking. It makes me leery to trust again. Thankfully, I do have many and numerous friends who have been my friends for a very long time who I have in my inner circle - well, I suppose this other person was working their way in to my inner circle as well....I guess that is why I am so hurt. I was angry and shocked, but now I am just so hurt....I cannot believe things ended this way. Just by these feelings, I am sure you can relate without knowing the whole story...I am sure that these are common situations, however, this hasn't happened to me in so many years....I should have known better....shame on me....you definitely teach people how to treat you. Something to think about for the future.....so many years, just down the drain....I am deeply saddened....