Do you ever feel.....

....numb? I feel like I am floating through each day.....I put on a happy (or not so happy) face for my kids. No one ever told me that being an adult would be so hard. I always envisioned a perfect world and life.....marriage, kids, home.....but, it just doesn't work that way....I am one to change things if they are not working for me a certain way, however, I feel stuck right now. I am trying, I have addressed certain issues, but, I also am not very patient....I want results right now....so, I need to just try harder. I feel like it is more difficult when my kids are home for the summer, I had been avoiding issues while they were in school, and now that I am face to face with my issues, I just want change immediately.....I just need to be patient, be in the moment, and breathe.....I need to enjoy the moments with my kids....change will come in time. I really do not like this feeling, as it is so much better to be happy....as a matter of fact, it takes more muscles to frown than to smile.....so, I will go with that!

Please feel free to comment, and/or respond.....thank you for reading!!!

I haven't had....

...much to say lately, as they say, if you don't have anything nice to say....you know, I keep telling my kids don't wish your time away....the best time of your life is now, as a child when you don't have to pay bills, have responsibilities, work, etc....and my son especially just wants to grow up so quickly. I guess I do remember feeling like I wanted freedom....but, it does have a price....now, of course, hind sight is 20/20....I wish I were a kid who just had the whole summer of lots of fun to look forward to! Not planning on going to a funeral...across the country....again....or navigating difficult relationships, or worrying about what is next, or worrying about finances....to just wake up and say, "Mom, what are we doing today?" Going to the beach? Going on a playdate? Going to the movies? Going to the park? Going to the aquarium? Hanging out at home? I think for the summer, I will just enjoy playing with the kids.... :)

I would love input and comments back, if you are reading my blog! Thank you for reading!!! :)

The end....

....of a life is so surreal....I have had yet another death in my family. Someone who was so amazing to me as a child.....she was an amazing person, yet suffered from a horrendous disease....I am happy that she is not suffering any longer and that she is reunited with her beloved husband up in heaven, however, it is a great loss to us still here on earth. The only thing that I can compare it to is when I moved to CA, it was not so hard for me to leave....however, those that I left behind we so sad - especially my family. They expressed it to me very clearly.....it is so painful to lose a loved one. I really have had enough of that this year....I have been handed numerous challenges this year, and hope that I have taken my share of hits....it is out of my hands, and I will just let things work out the way that they are suppose to....I really don't have a choice....it is life. I will be stronger on the other end....I just hope that I am able to go pay my respects to my dear sweet auntie....xoxo

I am going to....

....take a moment of silence today at 3:00 current time, to say thank you to all of those who have served our country....especially for those who have lost their lives, and made the ultimate sacrifice for MY freedom! It is an amazing thing that we get to vote, buy a house, have children, do as we wish.....most countries do not allow such freedoms. Girls cannot go to school, girls cannot vote, girls cannot show their skin.....girls cannot choose their spouses....I feel very lucky to live in such an amazing country....I certainly hope that it stays great and that current issues are worked out to keep this country great!

Comments and input are welcome!

I know that they say....

....God doesn't give you anything that you cannot handle....but I tell you, this year - 2013 - has been the most challenging year I have faced in my life.....if I start to think about it all at once, I get overwhelmed....I need to approach each item head on and just try to get through. I don't really want to laundry list everything....just know that it is a LOT....I have had two deaths in my family so far, and another one should happen within the week....that is enough to make anyone just be in turmoil.....one day at a time....one problem at a time. I am still heartbroken over a lost friendship....I am still heartbroken over issues in the home....and issues in my family.....but, I am healthy, my kids are healthy and happy....so I will go with that....and enjoy this long weekend! I hope you all do too...

I would love feedback/comments/input! Thanks for reading!!!

Today.....

....I learned that resentment, forgiveness and having faith all go hand-in-hand......if you have resentment, then you become angry and cannot move on in your life and grow. If you can find forgiveness, then you have an open heart and can accept people for who they are....this helps you heal and let go....it helps you realize that you cannot control everything and things are out of your hands....as the saying goes, "Let go and let God", which I realized today that I am learning to do, I am in control of the outcome of my life, and I can't make anyone do something that they don't want to do. I can, however, do what I need, want, and hope for. I am going to try to live that. Although, I have felt myself relax and try to forgive wrong-doings....I am still somewhat stuck in what my next steps will be....but I know in time, I will figure that out....I just need to take one day at a time....

Comments and input are very welcome! I would love to hear from those of you who have read my blog! :)

Happy Birthday to.....

....my beautiful sorority little sister, Kristin, who is in heaven looking down upon all of us with her huge smile!!! You are so beloved....you are so missed!!! I miss you everyday, and send prayers towards your Brian, Elise and Gardner....they are all so strong, yet survivors! You touched so many people in such an amazing way....when I met you during pledging at UNH, you just grabbed my heart right away....I knew you were someone who I had to have in my life....you are a shining light....now, then, and forever....dear sweet girl....as the song goes...'only the good die young'....you are the best of the best....this is where I think God is a little selfish in taking such an amazing person so young...but, I understand why....he needs you, maybe more than we do....I am so thankful for the brief time here that I had with you...so many years went by in between college and our reunion....I am, however, so thankful and grateful for that reunion...I still have the emails from you when you came to visit CA for the last time, and you told me that you would definitely see me "next time..."....I get a lump in my throat each time I read and reread that....I love you tons, from the bottom of my heart! xoxo